A heart to serve

Fired Up!

2012-01-29T22:07:00.002-05:00

I just stumbled upon this blog after 4 years.

Maybe out of bordom...
Maybe out of curiosity...
Definitely God sent

Frankly I am blown away. My passion for the Lord, fire for reaching people and childlike faith. I had forgotten what that was like. I know I have changed over the past few years. I've matured and grown greatly. I'm in a very different place than I was 4 years ago. I'm married. Living with my husband (didn't think that would happen) and a cat (definitely didn't think that would happen) in an apartment in Fort Mill. I'm working in a job that I don't find fulfilling, struggling to find the calling God has placed on my life. For the past year or so I have been desperately searching for what I am suppose to be doing with my life. Constantly praying, calling out to Him night after night:

Lord what is my purpose?

What do You want to do through me?

Frustrated and tired, I feel like I had almost given up on my search. Nothing was happening. No doors were opening. I was stuck. Trapped. Wasting away without direction.

Then God awakened me.

A revival happened. Code Orange Revival to be exact. God has ignited a passion in me over those 12 nights that I haven't felt in a long time. For the first time in 5 or so years I decided not to sign up to serve any extra worship experiences. I did not overcommit. I decided I needed to be selfish. Something in me said I needed it. And boy I was glad I did! I was blessed to be able to sit in the auditorium for 10 of the 12 nights. I heard one incredible teaching after another and experienced worship like I have never before. I am still digesting what transpired over those 12 nights.

Then this week we started a new series. Living a Better Story. First of all this is right up my alley. I love the whole movie/writing spin on it. Those were both things I was passionate about growing up. It reassured me of one thing. God is still moving in me.

Then tonight I rediscover this blog.

Reread two years of stories and experiences.

I see what God has done in me.

I am now hopeful that He is not done yet.

I had passion and fire. I lost a lot of that. In exchange I gained wisdom and maturity. However wisdom and maturity without passion and fire can lead to a lackluster life filled with contentment. In that same way passion and fire without wisdom and maturity can lead lead to crashing and burning (like I did). Now If I could just reignite that fire and find my passion it will be a deadly combination. There is a reason the devil tried to extinguish my fire and dull my passion. God is not done with me. Contrary to what I previously thought, my best days are not behind me.

The best is yet to come.

God has a purpose for me. A calling that will lead to His glory.

I just need to stick to it. Let go and let Him move in me.

I need to focus on where He has placed me. Emerge myself even deeper into His word. Pray constantly. Serve Him with all my heart. Lead to the best of my ability. Keep going.

Our God is a God of hope

Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
How long will you assault me? Would all of you throw me down— this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
Surely they intend to topple me from my lofty place; they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse.
Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62:1-8

I'm going to be honest

2008-09-29T14:04:00.006-05:00

I am going through a bit of a rough spot right now. Actually I've been in this rough spot for quite a while now. I've hit a valley in my life and I feel as though I'm stuck. I've tried all that I can now to get out of it. Nothing seems to work. I feel abandoned, cold, crushed and scared. I'm frustrated and at the brink of giving up.

Last year I was at the top of a mountain. Life couldn't have been better. Then at the beginning of this summer I lost my bearings and abruptly started to fall off my mountain. I have been rolling down ever since. About a month or so ago I hit rock bottom. I hit a rough valley in my life. One that seems to never end. I can't even begin to explain how hard these past few months have been.

However yesterday I regained something that I thought I lost. Hope.

I know that I am in this valley for a reason and despite how much I may feel abandoned, God is still with me. He will never leave me. Even it I can't feel His presence He is there. I just need the strength to fight through this. The strength to persevere. The strength not to give up. He is on my side.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not dissapoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us.
Romans 5:3-5

God of Abundance

2008-08-04T21:28:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I wrote a check for the remaining balance of my checking/savings account to pay my bills for the month of July. This is after my 3 months of unsuccessful job searching and my 2 or so months of unemployment. My resources finally dried up. I had been stressing, freaking out and worrying for the past few weeks about what I was going to do when that day finally came.

Today I received a call from Best Buy asking me if they could conduct a phone interview with me. After talking with the lady she said that they really liked my application and would like me to come in for a second interview for a Customer Service position on Saturday! She said they they are open to hiring me for a few positions but that will be the first one they'll interview for. Then 10 minutes after I got off the phone with the Best Buy manager a woman called me and asked me to start babysitting her kids.... for $15/hour! My first job is Thursday night!

God is so good! I don't know why I worry and stress out so much. He has always provided for me and He will always provide for me. Even if it's not on my timing! He is a God of Abundance.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Matthew 6:25-27

P.S. More posts to come soon!

School's out for the summer!!!

2008-05-09T13:57:00.003-05:00

Ok! School's out. Summer's here. As usual I set my summertime goals. I rarely set goals during the new year. Too many people do it then. I try to always have personal goals that I work on, but every summer and fall I try and set some big and fun goals to work on for that season. So here they are:

Summer 08 goals:

1. Read 6 books
2. Successfully move into my own place
3. Completely unpack and organize my personal belongings
4. Give away at least 1/4 of my wardrobe
5. Go on at least 1 spontaneous road trip
6. Learn a new skill
7. Study up on and learn how to be a better leader
8. Grow and improve the Production elements in EKIDZ significantly
9. Become more selfless
10. Invest more time into others
11. Write at least 1 play
12. Dance

There are some of my big and fun goals for the summer. Now I need to sit down and make some personal goals as well as goals for my ministry and for my faith. This is such a great time for growth and change. I can focus my time on things other than school for once. Last summer with the internship at Elevation I grew immensely. Now we'll see what this summer has in store. When school starts back up I will update and let everyone know how I did on my goals.

Crying out

2008-04-29T21:16:00.004-05:00

This has been quite the trying week. Yesterday was quite possibly one of the worst days I've had this year. There was two huge incidents that occurred that shook me significantly. I never saw either of them coming.

On my way to work yesterday I witnessed part of a horrific car accident on I-77. A little blue Jetta got smashed sideways under a semi truck. It was one of the worst accidents I have ever seen and I managed to pull on just as the truck was trying to skid to a stop dragging the car under it. I didn't know what to do except pull over with the rest of the witnesses, make sure 911 was called and pray. I'm not going to go anymore into detail. I don't think I can bear to.

The second incident happened later that day. It had to do with a family issue that I never saw coming. That one hurt a lot. In a way as equally bad but completely different from seeing that car accident.

I am crushed. After trying to deal my typical way I realized the only thing I could do was not to calmly pray and hold in my emotions but to cry out to God. He is my rock. He is my refuge. He is the only thing in the world who can comfort me and get me through. There is something so great and so powerful in being able to become completely emotionally venerable and fully cry out to the Lord. Something I don't do often enough.

If you have a second in the next few day please pray for my family and I. It's going to be a difficult next few weeks.

Psalm 77

In Love

2008-03-16T14:25:00.003-05:00

I'm reading through Ephesians with the girls in my small group right now. During the week I have been reading through the same two chapters of scripture over and over to soak it in and really pray about what God wants to reveal to me. Last week we were covering Ephesian 1 and 2. For the entire week before small group I read it over and over again. Each time two little words stuck out to me. Two simple words who's meaning is greater than I could ever imagine. Two words which seem so basic of an action but is nearly impossible to truly follow through with.

In love....

Two simple words.

In love....

I couldn't figure out why out of the entire two chapters of scripture these two words stuck out above the rest. I prayed about it and talked about it in small group and I realized that God has called us to be "holy and blameless in his sight in love." I asked myself the following questions.

Is everything I do in love?

Is every word that comes out of my mouth in love?

Is my attitude reflecting that of love?

Is every action I do done in love?

Do everything in love.
1 Corinthians 16:14

I know for me I certainly don't do everything in love. Lately it has gotten worse and worse. I realize that I don't intentionally do things in a non loving matter but a majority of the time I let tiredness or crankiness get in the way of loving those around me. We are watched all the time. I don't think we even realize how much we are watched by those around us. I know my volunteers watch me. The kids in my room watch me. Their parents watch me. My family watches me. My classmates and professors watch me. We are suppose to be an example of Christ to others.

It's such a simple thing. We teach my Motion kids it all the time. It is one of the greatest commandments. Yet somehow for me it is sometimes the hardest one to follow. I let my emotions, my silly manners and pet peeves get in the way of loving everyone around me. I keep praying for God to reveal to me the things in my life that are keeping me from growing closer to Him. It's a hard thing to ask for but I think it is so necessary for me to do. I pray that God continues to challenge me in my life, from the simple things like loving others to chasing lions and repairing broken relationships.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
Matthew 22:37-40

Dance Dance

2008-03-03T22:53:00.001-05:00

I have a new found love for dance. Growing up I always wanted to take dance classes but I wanted to play sports more. My freshman year of high school I started taking ballroom dancing lessons. I loved it and started competing at the end of my sophomore year. Then that summer my family moved to Lexington and I never had the opportunity to continue on with it. My freshman year of college I took a tap class and loved it. The next semester I took a beginning ballet class and absolutely fell in love. There is something so relaxing and calming about dance. Now I'm a dance minor and trying desperately to learn and keep up with my classmates who have been dancing for years. In my ballet II class there are only two other girls in there with me. Of those two one has been dancing since she was 8 and the other since she was 12. I started at 19. It has been a challenge but there is nothing I don't enjoy more than one of those. Now I have a dance class every day except Sunday and am having so much fun with it.

Recently I have been realizing how I can use this new found creative outlet to worship God. Recently I ran into a passage in 2 Samuel about David dancing to worship God.

David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the LORD with all his might
2 Samuel 6:14

I had never really thought of dancing as a form of worship. It has taken me a while to realize all of the different ways we can worship God. I had always though of just singing as worship. Occasionally raising my hand as worship. But I have recently I have discovered the freeing feeling of dancing before the LORD with all my might.

filling my cup

2008-02-23T22:19:00.002-05:00

I just love this place that I'm at in life where God is shaping, teaching and molding me into the woman He meant for me to be. I am learning so much however I think the biggest thing He has been showing me lately is this simple truth....

you can't feed others without first feeding yourself

For the longest time I was running on empty. I think I said in a previous post that I always feel like I'm playing a game of catch up. It is so frustrating sometimes because it seems like I can't keep up with the pace that God is moving at. The things that I once loved and were passionate about no longer made me happy. I realized that it was because I really was completely empty. I wasn't succeeding in being a leader because I was horrible at pouring into my kids and my volunteers because I had nothing to pour out. I wasn't being poured into at all. I worked so much that I got to go to service maybe once every other month. I concentrated so much on keeping up with school and work and the ministries I was in that I was having a hard time staying in the word. I was pouring from an empty cup.

I can't and will not do that ever again. I finally realize how important it is to make sure I am filling up spiritually. I want so badly to be an excellent leader to my volunteers. I want so badly to affect the lives of children and families in Charlotte. I can't do that without first filling my own cup so I can then overflow and pour into those around me. This is such an important thing for me to do not only as a leader but as a Christian.

The fight for the children and families of this city is way too important to let myself get burned out!!!

I need to make sure I stay in the word daily. I need to make sure I get to attend a service as many weeks as possible. I need to find a woman who is older and wiser than me who can mentor, guide and pour into me as I continue on in my walk. These are vital things that I need to do.

On another note I am really excited about tomorrow. I got a lot of work done at the office this week and for the first time in a while I really feel like I am prepared for Sunday. Also I am very excited because my mother and potentially my sisters will be coming up for service tomorrow. Normally I am freaking out and really nervous when my family comes up but not this time. I am just excited and happy that they are coming.

Goodnight

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
~Romans 15:13

SNOW PART II

2008-01-17T04:35:00.000-05:00

So I think that God makes good things happen when it snows. I already posted once today about how awesome I think snow is and how much I love it, but I just had an experience that will add to the wonderfulness of snow and is something that God definitely orchestrated himself. It got to be about 1 this morning and there was a good inch an a half of snow covering Winthrop. I really wanted to go out but was really tired so I just hoped it would be there when I woke up. I grabbed my towel and my get-ready bag and walked down the hall to the bathroom. When I got there I looked in the mirror and knew I had a decision to make. If I got ready then I knew that was it.... I would not be going out to play until the morning and by then it won't be nearly as awesome. So I decided to just go to sleep like I was and I would maybe wake up in an hour or two and go back.

I walked back in my room and walked over to my bed. I looked out the window and saw a group of guys walking by. One of them looked up and waved and then he kept walking. Thinking nothing of it I continued to glare at the snow covered trees in front of me. Suddenly he left the group ran back over to my window and started waving again. Then he started motioning for me to come out side. I didn't know what to think. The guy looked vaguely familiar so I tried figuring out who he was. The thought that it was a particular guy from my past came into my mine. Thoughts of "No, there's no way. That couldn't be him. Why would he be here? No... well maybe" flooded my head. I was intrigued. So being the crazy spontaneous irrational person that I sometimes am I told Kelly about it and convinced her to come out side and "play for a few minutes." We got ready and ran down the stairs. When we got down there we were approached by a group of guys. The came looking like they were going to all pummel us with snow balls. Kelly protested and one of the guys put the snowball he had in his hand on a stick and presented it to her as a "snow flower." He then proceeded to make one for me as well. We thanked them and casually walked away. We walked to the fountain and took some pictures then walked back to our dorm. When we got there the guys were still there. Apparently they were waiting for some friends who live in our hall to come out. We joked around a little and the girls they were waiting for finally came out. When we went to say good bye one of the guys told us they were walking around campus and invited us to come with them. Kelly asked me what I wanted to do. Of coarse I said walk. So here the journey begins.

We went sledding on lunch trays at 2 in the morning where I discovered more about this group. They are all arts related majors and also Christians. They have this Christian Arts majors support group/project that they run on campus. They invited me to come to there meetings on Friday mornings. This is totally a God thing. When they first asked me my major and I told them theatre I then explained to them about what I do at Elevation. One of the guys said "Wow there really arn't a lot of Christians in your field of study." Which is so true and something that has been really hard for me this past year. However somehow this semester God put two Christian's with me in one of my acting classes and then he had me meet this awesome group. I am so excited to get to know there group of arts students and hear more about the projects they do.

After sledding we walked around for a while and decided to go back to the guys house to have hot chocolate. So we all trecked down the street to this quaint little part of a house apartment. It was a very narrow entrance/kitchen with a very oddly carpeted staircase that took up half the width of the room. We all piled our coats on the stair case and bicycles in the hall and walked through a door under the stairs. Inside was a larger open room. It was very invited and had couches and chairs lining the walls. We all sat, talked, sipped hot chocolate and mostly laughed for the next few hours. They are all such unique interesting people and I have a lot in common with them. I am so thankful that God brought that group together tonight. I never would have though that He would have brought on campus supports to me like that. Which makes me think of another topic. However it is early so that will have to wait until another post.

SNOW IS WONDERFUL/AMAZING/PHENOMENAL AND SO IS GOD!!!!

SNOW!!!!!

2008-01-17T00:01:00.000-05:00

It's snowing! I don't know what it is about snow but it just makes me flat out happy! Not just the regular happy but giddy little girl happy. I'm looking out my window right now and I see this delightful image of large flakes of snow floating down from the sky and coating the dull earth below. I see white all around and I LOVE it! I have always loved fall and winter. They are my favorite seasons. There is just something about waking up on a cold morning and looking out to find a winter wonderland to play in. Bundling up in more clothing than you can imagine and running down the stairs in a fit of excitement only to burst open the door and experience that glorious first crunch of the snow under your feet! I really hope it continues snowing all night because:

1. I want to play in it
2. I want classes to be canceled

Not that I enjoy not having school. It's just that I feel like I've been playing a gigantic game of catch up this whole week. My life was hectic enough before hand and then I got really sick last week and now I feel like I'm really behind in a lot of things. Especially with school starting up and trying to move in. However for the first time in a while I feel like God is really moving in me. I finally hear him telling me an answer to something I have been trying to figure out for a while. I also feel Him calling me out and calling me to step up in my position right now. I love what I do at Elevation but I feel like I have been doing a lukewarm job lately. I feel like I had almost hit a stalling point. Dare I say it, a point of being contempt. However it seems that suddenly God has made me aware of all if my faults as a leader and He has put this passion in me more than ever to figure out how to fix those weaknesses and become a truly great leader. I'm so excited for this semester. It is going to push, challenge me and hopefully guide me of the path God wants me to be on.

As I was walking to my dorm tonight the snow was pouring down. Right before I hit my door I stepped up one of the brick steps, turned around and looked up. I was awe struck at just how magnificent snow truly is and the beauty of nature that our amazing Creator made.

ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

2007-12-24T14:09:00.000-05:00

I have been kinda on a blogging hiatus for the past month. Things have been so busy and hectic that I have barely had anytime to myself let alone time to blog. My body and mind is exhausted but my spirit is so alive. I wish I could explain it. I am so humbled and in awe of God right now. I am amazed at what he has let me be a part of.

Yesterday was the big Christmas at Cricket event. Elevation Church combined with New Birth Church in Charlotte to pack out the Cricket Arena for a phenomenal Christmas service that blew everyone away. The children were next door in the Ovens Auditorium to watch a full length production of Christmas in Sarsaparilla City. I had the honor of being able to be a part of that amazing event. I spent these past few months writing, re-writing, editing, re-writing, casting, directing, producing, stage managing and acting. I basically have been living in "Sarsaparilla City" for the past two months.

The week leading up to it was pretty hectic, but luckily God put some pretty amazing people in my life to help and encourage me. After the long day on Saturday without getting through a full run through or having a completely dressed set and once again not getting through a full run through on Sunday I was honestly kind of nervous. However the actual production went pretty well. There were a ton of kids who all seemed to enjoy themselves and have a great time. 15 kids responded to the salvation message and gave their lives to Christ. Praise God because we certainly didn't do that. The big people service at Cricket went off extremely well. I herd it was phenomenal and something that the people there would never forget.

Yesterday night and all of today I had this extreme sense of humility and awe for what God is doing. I am so thankful for what he is letting me be apart of. Elevation Church is on the move and is well on its way to Dominate the city of Charlotte with Christ's love. Yesterday was a big example of what we are capable of. I can't wait to see what's next.

I have always loved theatre and everything about it. It has been one of my biggest passions ever since I set foot on a stage in 9th grade. When I became a Christian last year I started struggling with how that passion was going to fit in with God's plan for my life. Within the first two months of my walk I felt God calling me into ministry. I felt like He wanted it to be with kids so I tried to engage myself with EKIDZ as much as I possibly could. Slowly that became my passion. I was a 3rd grade small group leader every week and absolutely loved it. Months later I figured that God wanted me to end up working with a children's ministry and that I should put my dreams of theatre on the back burner.

Then somehow I ended up getting an internship in EKIDZ this summer. I worked at learning more about how things were run in EKIDZ on Sundays and helping Heather and Rachel out however I could. Then Summer Blast happened. We had to help Rachel plan Elevation's first vacation bible school. However since this was Elevation there was no way it could be like any other VBS. It had to be "VBS on steroids" (I think Larry Brey coined that phrase). I had no earthly idea what VBS was when we first started planning so it was kind of weird for me. Long story short when I was helping plan the production side of it the woman who was suppose to direct suddenly pulled out and somehow I had to step up (totally a God thing!). It was hard, but I loved every moment of it. Somehow once again God pulled it off and it was a big success.

Shortly after I was asked to turn Sunday mornings into that same experience for the Motion kids. Slowly God started showing me that this passion for theatre and my passion for children and EKIDZ that He put inside of me can go hand in hand. Now I can't wait for what's to come. I have a feeling that this Sunday was just the beginning.

I am so humbled that God allowed me to be a part of this Sunday. I am so incredibly thankful that he allows me to be a part of this incredible movement he has started in the city of Charlotte. I am also so thankful for the people he has put in my life to help me through all of this. I am so grateful for Jessi, Heather and especially Phillip, all of my amazing actors and production guys, all of the volunteers, and my phenomenal entourage that helped keep me sane through all of this.

God Rocks!

2007-11-28T23:01:00.000-05:00

I just love how God completely blows my mind all the time. Some times more than others. When I'm lonely He reminds me of His presence. When I'm scared or hurting he comforts me and brings me near. It's extraordinary to think about. It's even more phenomenal to experience it.

I have been recently been struggling with the issue of being alone. I have been alone most of my life. First of all let me explain to you what I mean by alone. I mean not necessarily physically alone, but I haven't had many close relationships or friendships with anyone. He has put a few amazing people in my life but more often than not I push them away or don't trust them completely.

Recently God has been showing me that He doesn't want me to live this way or with this mentality. He didn't intend for us to live life alone. He puts people in our life for a reason and since all of us are a reflection of Him, each person is kind of like God revealing a part of himself to us. What he wants to pour into our lives, He a lot of times does through others. God wants us to have friends and relationships where we feel loved so He can give us an earthly representation of his love for us. Even though his real love for us is millions of times bigger than that.

Thankfully God blessed me this year with a roommate. I had spent the second half of my freshman year living by myself. I hated it. I needed the accountability that having a roommate can provide. Then this year I started out once again alone. Then this little awesome freshman came along and moved in. I really liked having a roommate again. It was working out great. A few weeks ago I learned that next semester she will be moving upstairs to live with one of her friends. Once again second semester and I am all alone.

I have been praying that God would put bring along some awesome girl who wants to live with me but right now that doesn't look very hopeful. However I think that God has strengthened me greatly from last year and I think that if I do end up by myself I will be ok.

God has put some pretty amazing people in my life lately. I have slowly been realizing how much I do need people in my life. He has allowed me to start to open up to more people. He has allowed me to start building more relationships. It's a pretty cool thing. Even if I'm feeling lonely God is there. He knows my heart, my thoughts and my desires. He is in the people around me and the world around me. He blows my freaking mind.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in my, and lead me in the way everlasting.
-Psalm 139:23-24

Read all of Psalm 139. It is pretty good stuff.

*I know a lot of this may seem like it doesn't go together. I'm sorry but deal with it <3*

Sometimes I wonder how I can be so stupid

2007-11-12T12:24:00.000-05:00

I'm a pretty independent person. I've been like that my whole life. For a majority of my life I never depended on anyone but myself. Then Christ entered the picture and my whole concept of what I was capable of doing was turned upside down.

In the year I have been a Christian God has given me so many amazing opportunities and I've done things that I never though I would every be able to do before. He has given me some pretty great responsibilities that can sometimes get overwhelming.

Yesterday was Dominate Sunday at Elevation. The grownups were all in one huge tent and the kids were spread out over Providence High School. The Motion kids (1st-5th) were in the auditorium where the main service usually is. It was the closest thing we had to Summer Blast quality yet. It was challenging adapting from the small area we're used to to the massive area we had yesterday but when it was all set up and done I was amazed (even though I probably didn't look it). When worship started and I took a step back and watched, I caught a glimpse of what Motion could possibly be some day. Ideas flooded my head. I am so excited about the possibilities.

After that incredible service a group of Elevators ventured up to New Spring Church. Our friend Rob hooked us up with a tour of the children's ministry there. It was pretty cool to see that again and see how they have changed since the last time I went there. I really just love seeing the way other churches deal with children's ministry. I will nit pick it until the end but they give me so many awesome ideas (which I still need to share). On the way back home I was pretty tired and not very responsive but one of the conversations in the car brought out all of my frustrations with my position. I think at one point I said something along the lines of I have such a heavy burden to carry and I just can't do it. I kind of just brushed it off and fell asleep.

This morning as I was walking to class that phrase popped into my head. Yes I do carry a heavy burden at times and there really is no way I can carry it myself, but God didn't give me these responsibilities for me to carry them alone. God doesn't just give you tasks that you can easily tackle by yourself. He gives you things that you can't do alone, things that you can only do through Him. That way when you do accomplish those things you can give Him the glory.

It seems that lately I am always overwhelmed. I'm tired, burnt out and frustrated with myself. I stress out, freak out and try to come up with a million possible solutions for any problem I have. I need to trust God. I need to rely on Him to get me through. I need to rely on Him for strength and comfort. I need to put Him into everything I do.

Somehow it seems that in the past month I had forgotten this. I went back to trying to do everything on my own. Something I just can't do. Sometimes I wonder how I can be so stupid. Haha.

God is so great and so sovereign and so wonderful!

It's almost that time....

2007-10-12T21:12:00.000-05:00

I just love this weather. The cool breezy fall days always make me happy. These are the moments indicating that winter is on it's way. Hooray! Fall and winter are by far my favorite seasons. I detest the heat and humidity of the summer months. I am so glad that they are finally over and it is almost that time for cool weather, crunchy leaves, sweaters, jackets, scarves, hats, and maybe even snow!

Today was such an awesome day. God was doing some definite showing off. I love seeing Him in nature. He has created such an spectacular world for us to live in. I am so thankful that He gives us days like this!

Patience

2007-10-10T21:24:00.000-05:00

Ephesians 4:1-3 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

I just love this verse. I was reading over it today and I realized that I so often get caught up in life and forget this basic thing that Christ wants us to do. He wants us to be ever patient with each other and just show love. I know for me a lot of the time I get so caught up in how busy I am that I can be impatient and easily angered by others.

Christ calls us to love one another and be patient. To truly love each other. Not to hold any secret grudges or bad feelings against one another. In order to do that, we need to be patient and forgive others. That was actually one of the main points in Motion a few weeks ago. I WILL FORGIVE OTHERS! Now lets all stand up, do the motions and say this together....(just kidding).

I love being constantly reminded of these things. My favorite place that this happens is in Motion on Sundays. I have learned just as much, if not more than the kids by working in there. It's really funny how for a few weeks this series, what ever the main point was, the adults in the room struggled with that week. My favorite was the week when the main point was I WILL HAVE A GOOD ATTITUDE NO MATTER WHAT! This was the week that we were all so frustrated with each other that we could barely get through that Sunday. If only I would have remembered Ephesians 4 that day.

I just need to continue to ask myself am I truly loving those around me? Am I being as patient as I can? Am I acting in a humble and gentle way? Am I free of holding any negative feelings or anger against anyone? If not I need to pray about it and remember what Christ called us to do.

What I long to be

2007-10-09T22:49:00.000-05:00

Tonight I was sitting on Chunk's couch watching his little girl when I picked up a large coffee table book about Billy Graham sitting to my right. I started reading it couldn't stop. It was amazing what this man did and still does. But what fascinated me most was his wife.

I first found out who the Grahams were this summer when all of the interns were taken on a tour of the Billy Graham Library and Evangelistic Association. Prior to that I had no idea who they were. (I know... who doesn't know who Billy Graham is. Well #1 I was still a relatively new Christian at that time. #2 I'm not from around here.) Well when we went I was shocked. I had no idea that one man had shared the gospel and lead so man people to faith in Christ. It was incredible. Ruth however stuck out to me the entire time. I was in awe of her life and dedication to her husband, her family, but most important Christ.

From the time I left that day, I knew she was someone I wanted to be like. She was such an amazing Christian woman who knew her scripture, prayed constantly, was a wonderful mother who raised her children to love and fear the Lord, and she was such a supportive wife. Not to mention she is quite an accomplished writer. But what impressed me most was how she never forgot to put God first. Her relationship with Christ was the most important thing to her.

I strive to.....
~always remember to put my relationship with Christ first above all else
~diligently study and know scripture
~pray continuously
~use the gifts God has given me to glorify him
~write as passionately as Ruth did
~someday become a godly mother who raises my kids to love and fear the Lord and put Him above all else
~someday be a supportive wife who loves, honors, and builds up my husband so he can do all of the amazing things that God has planned for him
~always grow

I have a hard time saying "no"

2007-10-08T22:27:00.000-05:00

I always have. Most of the time this gets me into trouble. Most recently it has caused me to be extremely overcommited and quite frankly burnt out. I like to imagine I am incredible and can take it all on but clearly after this weekend I realized I can't. Everything that needed to get done got done, but I certainly paid for after.

I realized that in order to serve God in the greatest way I can I need to start prioritizing and focusing on the things he has called me to do. I need to not be afraid of asking for help and most importantly, I need to learn to take care of myself. I am not going to last very long if I continue at the pace I am at. I need to remember to slow down sometimes and enjoy the glorious world and the wonderful people that God has surrounded me with.

I pray that God opens my eyes to the things he has called me to do. I pray that I never take a blessing for granted. I pray that I use the resources He has given me and take more time to take care of myself. Thank you LORD for giving me such a heart to serve.

Starting Anew

2007-10-08T21:40:00.000-05:00

I deleted all of my old blog posts. I am starting this blog over again. Too much negativity in the old posts. I also vow not make all my posts private. I am slowly learning that telling my story and sharing my life is essential. God gave me a powerful testimony that I unfortunately haven't had the courage to share yet. It's still very hard for me but I am trying to take baby steps to get me there.

I pray for courage and strength and thank Him for how far I have come.